Terror Cotta/Transcript
Written here is the full transcript of the episode "Terror Cotta" from the television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks. Character dialogue lines were originally written by the episode's screenwriter, Doug Langdale. Descriptions shown between italicized brackets were written by action=history}} contributors of this article. __TOC__ Act 1 episode opens with the Croc Bandits standing around a rock in the middle of a bamboo forest. Fung: down map full of red X’s Ok, so. After I sneak up behind the gourd cart, you come around this way and— Gahri: map I suppose I’m the X. Fung: Uh, yeah. Gahri: Oh, I get it. Yeah. X. Like you’re X’ing me out? Like I’m nothing? Hmm? Fung: pauses Uh— Gahri: Yeah, but you get to be circle! Round. And full of importance. Wall Eye: I want to be a cube. Fung: down hat Darn it, guys! They’re just marks on a scroll. They don’t mean anything. Gahri: upset I… am an individual! Fung: Oh my— Are you— sighs I just— and facepalms puts his hat back on. Fung: I’m not going back to working for my dad! Okay? So, once... just once, let’s pull off a successful job! Gawww! Every time we try and rob someone, we get grabbed by Po! That’s why I spent three weeks perfecting this foolproof escape plan! wind blows away the map. After the map is out of reach, the other Croc Bandits slowly turn to Fung, who is shaking with rage. The others cower within themselves, anticipating Fung’s outburst. Gahri: happy That’s it! scene cuts to a few paper kites flying in the air. The Croc Bandits are seen in the Valley, hiding behind a wall with kites tied to their belts. Fung: giggles Here we go. around Kay. If anyone tries to grab you, you just pull the string, release the ballast, and let the wind whisk you off to safety! Right? Huh? Croc #1: Like this? string and screams while flying up Fung: Ok. Nobody pull our string until I say to. Got it? and the others run to the middle of the street. Fung: Attention, victims! We have come for your valuables! Po: off-screen Fung! Fung: around to Po Wha—already? Ca—we didn’t even—like, do you have like super sense? Crocs, pull your strings! others pull their strings and watch as the kites fly away. Fung: Wrong. Strings. others surrender by raising both their hands. Fung: You’re not even gonna fight? Gahri: to Fung He always hurts us. Po: Sorry. Fung: Guys. down hat Are losers! Losers, losers, losers! You are worthless! Po: concerned Fung. Fung: You stay out of this! to the others You’ve been nothing but a disappointment from the began! Po: You could be a little nicer to your co-workers. Wall Eye: Yeah! The penguin treats us better than you and he’s like our enemy. Po: I mean I just think that—wait, penguin? Fung: to Po Oh. Oh I see what you’re doing. You’re trying to swipe my gang! Po: I’m what? Fung: Sweet talkin’ ‘em and filling their heads with crazy ideas! Po: I don’t even know—I’m not— Gahri: Po at least doesn’t yell at us! Fung: Oh yeah? Well if you like him so much, then why don’t you stay with him? Gahri near Po Gahri: Maybe we will! others walk to Po’s side. Fung: Fine! Gahri: Fine! Fung: Fine! Gahri: Fine! Fung: and cries You stole my gang! Happy now? Po: I don’t even… Fung: Farewell! hat and cuts string Dramatic exit! into buildings while escaping Darn it! Po: Man, where does he get all that anger? Gahri: Uh, have you met his dad? scene cuts to Fung and his dad Bing in their home. Bing: down hat ''Loser, loser, loser, loser! You’re worthless. You’ve been nothing but a disappointment from the beginning! hat '''Fung:' This is why I don’t visit more, Dad! Bing: down hat Augh! Fung: down hat Gawww! and Bing make funny faces as they scream at each other. Fung: No! I just— hat Gawww. Can I have my old job back? turns around and crosses his arms in disappointment. Fung: You’re still mad at me for what happened to your mustache, aren’t you? I said I was sorry! Bing: It was the only thing keeping your mother from leavin’! scene cuts to Po casually strolling in the middle of the street. Po: Hey Mr. Tang! New teeth Mrs. Yoon? Mrs. Yoon: giggles So nice of you to notice, Po. Po: Howdy Mr. Wen! Wen looks at Po and drops his vase in shock. Po: and turns around to the other Croc Bandits Oh! Hey, uh, you guys didn’t actually steal anything, so, uh, you can go. Gahri: Uh, actually, we’re your gang now. Po: around and chuckles You’re my—no— chuckles ''Wait. That was for reals? '''Gahri:' Yeah. It’ll be fun. We follow you around, you tell us what to do, then you yell at us. Wall Eye: And throw your helmet down. Gahri: Yeah, you throw your helmet down and yell at us. Po: Uh, I’m—I’m kind of the opposite of a bandit. Gahri: B-b-but we could do other stuff. We could be a gang of non-bandit—um… uh… sighs Fung was right. We are losers. We can’t do anything but steal! Wall Eye: And we don’t even do that good. Croc Bandits sit on the ground in hopelessness. Po: pauses Come on, guys. You’re not losers. We’ll find something you’re good at. I’ll help you! Gahri: Po I love you, man! other Croc Bandits hug Po. scene cuts to an exterior of Fung’s home. Bing: You want your job back? Fung: Not really. clay dragon head is thrown above Fung, who dodges it by ducking. Bing: I’ll have you know that making terracotta warriors was once the most respected of all professions! But of course, back then, we could… bring them to life! dragon head in an oven Yep. Once I was the greatest of the terracotta craftsmen! scene cuts to 2D animation with Bing as the narrator. Bing: Molded myself an army. I took what I wanted and marched around with things on fire! Ah, those were the days. I was on the verge of conquering China! Until Shibai blew it. He was entrusted with the secret formula for living clay. Then he lost it! It was all Shibai’s fault! scene cuts back to 3D animation. Bing: I would’ve ruled all of China if it hadn’t been for Shibai! is seen mimicking Bing’s body language as he reminisces the past. Bing: It was my destiny! If only that idiot hadn’t lost the secret formula. If only! Loser. Loser, loser, loser! Fung: Gawww. Look! throws his hat at Fung. Bing: Are you talkin’ back? Fung: I-uh… Bing: You want a job, you say no. Fung: pauses No. Bing: Good. Shovel up the cesspit! Fung into a muddy pit Fung: Man, how long has it been since this was cleaned? Bing: Since I used to make my terracotta warriors do it! shovel at Fung scene fades to Fung working hard on shoveling out the cesspit. Fung: Jerk. angrily at cesspit with shovel Jerk! Jerk! hits a hard object picks up a scroll case and unfolds the scroll. Fung: Secret formula. For living clay. laughs Very funny, Dad! This is a joke, right? pauses Is it a joke? scene cuts to Po standing outside. Po: Ok former bandits. We are gonna prove that you can do honest work! drums Take it! the Croc Bandits play along with Po, the villagers cringe at the out-of-sync music. A few vases explode from the sound. The villagers throw apples at them. Villager #1: You guys are horrible! Villager #2: What are you doing? Wall Eye: Po We’re not good magicians. Po: Musicians. You’re musicians! Villager #3: I don’t think so! Po: Stay out of this, Mr. Tang! scene cuts to Fung standing near a mixing pot at night. Fung: Ok. Mix red clay with black clay. Ground gan cao root. Powdered mica. And—three drops of blood? Aw that’s just great. finger with needle Ow—oh—ah… Gawww. One drop. Two drops. Come on, come on! Three drops! Phew. pot builds a terracotta warrior piece by piece. Fung: Ok guy. Uhh… out scroll Chung toh. Lai shun. Hoa. awkward silence ensues as Fung stares at the unmoving terracotta warrior. '' '''Fung:' Gawww. You know… I knew it was a joke! scroll at terracotta warrior Fung turns away, the terracotta warrior begins to move and destroys a wall from his home. Fung: Woohoo! I’m back in the bandit game, baby! I am back in the game! of Act 1 Act 2 episode continues with Po and the other Croc Bandits in Mr. Ping’s noodle shop. Eye plays a flute with his nose. Po: A-alright. Ok, so… the band didn’t really work, so we’re just— angrily at Wall Eye Would you stop that? Po can continue, Wall Eye plays a final note. Po: Ok, so the band didn’t really work, guys. So, here’s Plan B. Shifu and the Furious Five are out of town… Gahri: So we can loot the Valley of Peace while— frowns at Gahri. Gahri: Oh, yeah. Not doing that. Po: No. Especially not now that I’m making you… the emergency backup Furious Five! Gahri: Could we be the Junior Panda Squad instead? Po: pauses Fine, that—great. Eye drinks the noodle soup with his flute. Po: Wall Eye! Wall Eye: But it’s more yummier this way. Po extends his hand, Wall Eye gives him the flute. When Wall Eye walks away, Po drinks his soup with the flute. scene cuts to a wealthy couple on a rickshaw passing through a bamboo forest. As Fung hides himself within the trees, the terracotta warrior suddenly lifts the rickshaw. Villager #4: Wha—what do you want? terracotta warrior extends its hand, signaling the man to give his money to it. Shortly after, Po jumps in front of it. Po: Ok, stop right—oh. up other Croc Bandits run to Po’s side. Fung: Wha? rickshaw is flung at Po, who gently sets it down. He jumps up to kick the terracotta warrior, but then he jumps down shortly after. Po: foot Ow! What are you? Gahri: It’s one of those terracotta warriors like Fung used to make. Po: Terracotta warriors can’t move! terracotta warrior knocks Po aside with a punch. Po: fighting stance ''Junior Panda Squad! Assemble! ''Po fights the terracotta warrior, Fung punches the air with joy. Quickly, the terracotta warrior defeats Po. Po looks to the side and sees the other Croc Bandits hiding behind a rock. Po: groans What are you doing? I said assemble! Gahri: We are assembled. We’re assembled over here. Wall Eye: You assembled in the wrong spot. Po: But I need you to— terracotta warrior smashes Po into the ground. Fung: laughs Awesome. fingers terracotta warrior walks away into the forest to Fung’s direction. Po: groans What the heck just happened? Gahri: up Po ''You just got your butt kicked by pottery. '''Wall Eye:' We saw. frowns at Wall Eye. scene cuts to Fung and his terracotta warrior walking along the forest. Fung: laughs We’re a team, right? Good times, huh? to terracotta warrior Cuz we’re enjoying our victory, right? laughs awkward silence ensues as Fung tries to get an emotion from it. Fung: sadly Glad I don’t miss my old gang… one bit. Right? terracotta warrior doesn’t respond. Fung: Come on. Gawww. scene cuts to Fung returning to Bing sweeping near the hole in his home. Bing: Where you’ve been, loser? Did you do this? crosses his arms smugly as the terracotta warrior approaches. Bing: angry Can’t I leave you alone for one— looks up at the terracotta warrior. Bing: Whoa. Fung: Yeah. Know that secret formula thing? Found it! close to Bing’s face ''So who’s the loser now, huh, Dad? Who’s the loser now? ''pauses Uh, not me, is what I was getting at? Bing: Do you realize what we could do with this? Fung: Gaw. Yeah. We can steal— Bing: At last! I can conquer China. Eh… get away from my soldier! Fung Fung: Get away? Your? What! I don’t wanna conquer China. Just wanna be a bandit leader. Bing: Hm? down hat Darn it, Fung! I’ve been waitin’ thirty years for this chance. Now are you gonna help me or are you gonna be a bigger disappointment than ever? Fung: reluctantly I’m gonna help you, Dad. Bing: That’s right. Now come on! scene cuts to Po walking back and forth in the middle of the street. Po: sighs Guys. Gahri: We let you down. Po: No-no-no! No-no-no-no-no. chuckles Alright, kinda. Wall Eye: We don’t fight good. Po: pauses That’s it! You guys need a kung fu crash course! scene cuts to Bing and a tired Fung standing around many more terracotta warriors. Bing: Fantastic! Look at these babies, huh? Nothing can stop us now. Fung: groans How come we gotta keep using my blood? Bing: I’m an old man! Need all the blood I can get. Now say the magic words and let’s get this show on the road. Fung: and pulls out scroll Chung toh lai shun hoa. the terracotta warriors turn their heads. Bing: Ha! Now we can take over China! Fung: sighs Do we gotta? Bing: Yes. And we’ll start… with the Valley of Peace! scene cuts to Po and the other Croc Bandits in the Valley walking over a bridge. Po: So. Say we’re walkin’ along just like this. Nice day. Everything’s quiet. Then… ahead Enemy attack! forward and turns around in fighting stance Who needs backup? other Croc Bandits run to Po’s side and stop in their own fighting stance. Po: Awesome! Man, you guys are gettin’ really good. Great poses. Gahri: Heh, thanks. I’m a fierce tiger! Wall Eye: I’m a rock. Po: Ok, let’s try it again. We’re walkin’ along. Nice day. Nothin’ goin’ on. Then— wall in the distance loudly crumbles. Villagers scream as terracotta warriors swarm in. Villager #5: Run away! villagers scatter. Po: ahead Enemy attack! Who needs backup? other Croc Bandits run away. Po: in disappointment and prepares fighting stance Ok, let’s see what you got. terracotta warrior quickly knocks Po to a wall. Po: weakly Oh, I see. by one, the terracotta warriors step closer to Po. of Act 2 Act 3 episode continues with Po getting knocked around by the terracotta warriors. scene cuts to the other Croc Bandits cowering behind a building. Wall Eye: Shouldn’t we do— like, thing? Gahri: Yes. Po believed in us when we didn’t even believe in ourselves. If we don’t help him now, we really are useless. And he needs us to believe in ourselves. The way he believed in us when we didn’t believe in ourselves like he did. up So what’s it gonna be? scene cuts to the other Croc Bandits charging towards a terracotta warrior, who is holding Po up. They circle around its legs and attack it. Gahri: Let go! Let go! terracotta warrior spins around, trying to shake off the attackers. Po: Good effort, guys! terracotta warrior throws Po to a group of other terracotta warriors. Po: Good effort. Po fights the terracotta warriors, Fung is seen standing on a rooftop. Fung: Po! You havin’ fun with my stolen gang, panda? Po: Fung! You’re behind this? Fung: Impressed? Po: Uh, kinda. Yeah. Fung: other Croc Bandits So you’re like, with Po now, huh? That’s cool. It’s like, ok. Really though? No, fine. Obviously, I’ve got a totally way better gang now. Of giant clay things! So, you know. away tear Whatevs. Bing: Fung What are you doin’? Attack them! Attack, attack, attack! Fung: But the guys— Bing: Fung’s mouth I said attack! Fung: and reluctantly Yes, Dad. at other Croc Bandits Warriors. Attack. terracotta warriors surround the other Croc Bandits and prepare to strike them, Po jumps in with a staff. Po: Shakabooie! terracotta warriors There’s too many! You guys get out of here. I’ll hold ‘em off as long as I can. Po struggles and the other Croc Bandits are attacked, Bing and a sad Fung continues to watch. Bing: Even the Dragon Warrior can’t stop us. We’re gonna do it, son! We’re gonna rule China! We can’t lose! watches as each of the other Croc Bandits are beaten up by the terracotta warriors. Fung: Warriors! Stop! Bing: What? What are you— Fung: Can’t do it, Dad. These guys are my friends. Bing: But we were gonna conquer— Fung: I don’t wanna conquer China! Seriously, how much work is it to run a country? It’s like a ton I bet. pauses I just went along because… I wanted you to be proud of me. Bing: You want me to be proud of you, son? Fung off rooftop ''Then get outta my way! ''at Po and other Croc Bandits Warriors! Attack! Fung: Warriors! Stop! Bing: Warriors! Attack! Fung: Warriors! Stop! Bing: Attack! Fung: Stop! Bing: Attack! jumps down and clamps Fung’s mouth. Bing: Loser, loser, loser! You are not gonna stop me. I’ve been waitin’ thirty years for this. Thirty years since I lost that secret formula! Fung: off Bing and gasps You lost the formula? But I thought that Shibai got— Bing: Ahh… I made Shibai up. Fung: What? scene cuts to Po continuing to struggle against the terracotta warriors. Po: Uh, Fung? Aren’t you gonna say stop again? scene cuts back to Bing and Fung. Bing: It was me. I lost the formula. I ruined everything. I’m the biggest loser of all time! I’ve been takin’ it out on you. scene cuts back to Po. Po: There’s gotta be some way I can stop these— terracotta warriors knock him to Wall Eye, who is held in the air by another terracotta warrior. Wall Eye: Get it off me. Get it off me! sees a flute on Wall Eye’s belt. Po: gasps That’s it! scene cuts back to Bing and Fung. Bing: I guess callin’ you a loser made me feel less like a loser myself. But I’m proud of you, son. Always have been. I’ve just been too big-headed to say it. and Fung hug each other. scene cuts back to Po, who gets the terracotta warrior to shake off Wall Eye. Po: up flute Hey statue guys! terracotta warriors look at Po. Po: Time to face the music! flute terracotta warriors continue to walk, forcing Po to blow harder. Po: Uh oh. flute Wall Eye: Po’s fingers Like that. blows the flute once more, causing all the terracotta warriors to explode. Po: And that’s the name of that tune! scene cuts to Fung and Gahri. Fung: disappointed You helped the panda? Gahri: arms Well, yeah. He was nice to us. All you ever did was yell at us and call us losers. Fung: Oh. That’s like calling you guys losers made me feel like less of a loser myself! Except not. Bing: Fung See how that happens? Fung: Gawww. Bing: Gawww. Fung: Gawww! Bing: Gawww! Fung: pauses Guys. I-I’m sorry. I treat you lousy. I was a rotten bandit leader. Can you forgive me? pauses before throwing down Fung’s hat and hugging him. The other Croc Bandits hug Fung shortly after. Gahri: away tear Ah, wow. Um, Po? We were wondering if it’d be ok if we kind of, uh… Wall Eye: Went back to being Fung’s gang? Po: sighs I guess. But you know he’s gotta go to prison, right? Gahri: Yeah, we’ll go with him. I mean, let’s face it. We live there like ninety percent of the time. all the Croc Bandits hug and laugh with each other, Bing attempts to sneak away from Po. Po: Bing You too, fella. Bing: Dang. of Act 3 of transcript Category:Transcripts Category:Episode transcripts Category:Legends of Awesomeness transcripts Category:LOA Season 2 transcripts